The World’s Nastiest Man
Technology has aggregated demographics, culture and economic disparity into a single consolidated medium where we can all encapsulate a single moment of virtual expressions, a unanimous experience that’s surging exponentially. What could possibly defy contemporary conformity, what inexorable divine-intervention could possibly challenge the proponents and advocates of human advancement?
There in the far distance, scrubbing in the dirt of a rambo-like camouflage, pursuing nothing but an unprecedented inadvertent Guinness World Record of becoming the World’s Nastiest Human. Amou Haji, the 80-Year-Old Iranian Man who haven’t showered in 60 years, he’s definitely the last of the prehistoric pig-mohicans, and it’s appalling to admit that this article is far from satire.
Amou Haji accolades of disgust has permeated the airwaves like a comedic-epidemic, a fortuitous of media-attention this obscure man has succumbed to ostensibly. A true hygienic state of denial holds no merits, other than a victim of his owns discretion.
Amou migrated away into exclusivity after experiencing emotional setbacks as an adolescent, living in isolation and engulfing the earths crust with fortitude, while fearing a bath will spiral a myriad of illnesses. Ironic! He lives in a brick-hut in the Southern part of Iran, built by concerned villagers for his well-being, and in the winter he appeases himself with an old army hat to stay warm. (Rambo?) At night he hibernates in a grave-like hole; dead but alive; such a filthy oxymoron!
Wait! it gets far more catastrophic; Amou (Rambo) has a smoke-pipe designated for animal feces; “Now that’s some high sh*t right there,” If he’s smoking Chicken Sh*t, he has quite an accumulative task on his hand, but if he’s smoking Cow Sh*t, that would be far more lucrative in the longevity. A few scoops of marinated Cow Sh*t could be rationalized annually.
Young villagers semi-induced him to showering as a ultimatum, but Amou (Rambo) antipathy for water and cynical disdain for personal-hygiene, with his Rambo-like helmet and inadvertent camouflage, he managed to escape the raptures of cleanliness. He drinks water from a rainfall using a rusty oil-can, and according to the Tehran Times; “He burns his shaggy hair off with a stick from his fire and uses an old car winged mirror to groom himself” Now that’s real organic, “lol.”
Here’s the silver-lining from an optimistic perspective; these are the technological contrast of un-anticipation, social-mediums allows us the opportunity to aggregate and root-out global intermittent social anomalies that deviate in an unprecedented way. If the internet did not exist, the hallmark of global enigma’s like him would simply propagate into oblivion, and that would be a missed travesty we’ll never truly know. Paradoxical hey!
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Article Written By: Atelston Fitzgerald Holder 1st
Stage Name: Mr Pregnant
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